Sign Up for Michele's
Free Newsletter
HARMONY & BALANCE

Your Email:
Format: HTML Text






Listen to Michele's podcast
Beyond Breakups
available online or with free iTunes subscription! Click Here








Relationships - A Journey Of The Soul
by Michele Germain, LCSW


There is a restless search and longing in the world for the perfect love relationship. One that makes us feel secure, special, energetic, joyful, supported, and connected and where love and loyalty is never doubted. It causes many to change their bodies, faces and adjust their personalities in the hope of finding this perfect other.

This preoccupation and longing for the perfect relationships shows itself in many ways. In the media and Hollywood stories, the book store shelves are filled with “the how to get the man/women”, and the relationship issues that come up in my clinical practice, lectures and seminars.

The desperation to answer this longing causes people to jump from one relationship to another, holding their empty pail, looking for someone to fill it up. Often, because of this misunderstood longing, they enter into the relationship with an unconscious agenda of looking to their partner to repair their emotional wounds, fill up their empty pail, make them whole and secure, and quiet their inner longing.

In a stable significant relationship or in a marriage, the longing for a deep love connection continues to persist. This longing speaks to you through your heart and body; and is often misunderstood. When the inner cry is ignored, the unrest manifests in conflicts and power struggles within the relationship, each blaming the other for their dissatisfaction and inner pain.


This longing and desire for union through a significant relationship is really the soul’s attempt to make itself known. The soul uses your intimate relationships to help you to heal what is blocking you from achieving greater self awareness. The longing is the call to go within, listenening to this inner unrest and unmet need, instead of seeking the cure outside yourself in a love relationship. It is deep within yourself where the path begins and the longing is understood. It is here where true connection to your spiritual essence and where your inner peace and security resides.


Relationships Lead Down A Path With Purpose

How can this longing for romantic love and deep connection with a partner be a calling from the soul? Consider the possibility that there are no accidents that we don’t drift blindly into a relationship. Think about and consider the possibility that there is a divine force that brings people together for a specific purpose that moves you along a path of increasing awareness. Your relationships will put in front of you, what you need to become conscious of. Thus, you find your human heart challenged to heal and open more fully. It forces you to open your eyes and to do the work that is required for greater awareness. This leads you back home to your inner divinity and connection to your soul. This has been my personal experience and the experience of others; I have had the privilege to work with.

To understand the inner calling, it is important to examine your intimate relationships. We all at some time or another experience difficult and challenging times in our intimate relationship; it is inevitable. In the life of a relationship you will experience your deepest desires, your deepest joy, your deepest heartfelt love as well as your deepest hurts, deepest fears, deepest confusions, deepest anger, and deepest betrayals. Relationships are mirrors for us. It is in the presence of significant others that your feelings of joy and pain surface and where unresolved issues are illuminated. You then are challenged to face what is hidden inside of you.


Asking The Most Difficult Questions


As I work with couples in marriage counseling, or as I work with men and women ending a relationship I see their despair and confusion as they search for answers as to why their relationships are troubled or have ended. I see many giving up, believing that the love they are looking for can never be found. In some ways this is correct, human love is imperfect. The unconditional love we all long for can only be found with our connection to our soul.

In my clinical practice and in my own relationship journey, I see how we choose partners that magically link us to our old unresolved pain that force us to deal with our issues that keeps us away from our own heart and soul. This is not what we signed up for, nor does it fit into the “idealized image” of the perfect relationship. But, there is a gift in each and every intimate relationship. It helps us to live consciously so we can discover our inner depth.

Relationships are here to help us to transform, so whether you are beginning a new relationship, in the middle of one, or have been divorced, the questions and insights are always available to you. The soul awaits and is always ready to answer.

If you would you like to take the next step, go within to answer the questions below. When you begin, it is important to find some quiet time alone, to journal your answers or just sit quietly and anchor yourself in your body. Ask the question and then just listen. If nothing emerges, try again. The process begins with the reflection. What you need to know will come forth in its right time.

  • What is this pain that has recently surfaced, and where in me does this come from?
  • Why is this conflict happening in my relationship?
  • What is the meaning of my pain or power struggle in my present relationship?
  • Why did I meet this person and what did I learn as a result of being with him/her?
  • What is my true nature, am I more than a wife/husband, friend, professional etc.?
  • What am I asking of the other that I should be asking of myself?
  • What is my purpose and am I living from my true authentic self?
  • WHAT IS THE MEANING OF MY RESTLESSNESS AND LONGING?
  • WHERE IS MY INNER PEACE?


Finding The Meaning In The Longing

In my opinion, as you walk within your intimate relationship, and ask the tough questions, you will heal your heart and clear away the debris that covers up your true authentic self. It is from this place that you are able to love unconditionally without hidden agendas and limitations. To the degree that you accept this, you can allow each relationship to become a vehicle for raising your consciousness. You will enter your relationships with a new agenda, one that reinforces your awakening. Here is where you begin to fill up your own pail, and you realize that your intimate relationships are here for a higher purpose.




Michele Germain is the author of The Jill Principle – A Women’s Guide To Healing Her Spirit After Divorce Or Breakup, published by Llewellyn Worldwide. Phone counseling is available. She is licensed as a Clinical Social Worker and Marriage Family Therapist in California. She is a Certified Bioenergetic Analyst, specializing in the mind/body connection, an approach that resolves the emotional pain remaining in the body. She is a relationship expert, and helps individuals find the spiritual gift in their crisis or breakup. She has appeared on radio, cable television and in print media, and has lectured aboard major cruise ship lines such as the Royal Caribbean. For more information visit www.michelegermain.com or www.TheJillPrinciple.com or www.beyondbreakup.com